Today we were leaving Lake Windermere to get to my sisters house in Macclesfield and it was about a 100 mile cycle trip which we were unsure if we were going to make. We have know idea what the roads were going to be like so we may well be staying somewhere on route.
We woke up at around 07:30 in our lovely B&B and we weren’t flee bitten which I have to say was a bonus as I really could not be bothered to be scratching and itching all day. We packed up our panniers and got ready for breakfast as we were told by the rather plumb B&B owner the day before that breakfast was at 08:00.
We headed downstairs and I nipped outside to see if our bikes were still there, which was a good thing that they were even though Jane wasn’t exactly jumping for joy to see hers.
I secretly think Jane is actually in love with her bike as she takes a lot of care when leaning it against signs and service station windows.
All of the B&B residents (prisoners) were waiting patiently outside the dining room and they looked a little puzzled as normally you just walk in and take a seat. However this B&B was very different.
A rather heavy and hairy looking biker of a man walked in and he did the grand opening of the dining room where we were told where to sit. Just like when you were at primary school and you walk into the dining hall for he first time.
Myself and Jane were sat next to a young(ish) Canadian couple who were touring England for a few months and the first topic of conversation was the very eccentric accommodation we were staying in. Bearing in mind the whole B&B was now sitting in a room waiting for something to happen.
The rather plump lady came in and started asking whether we wanted tea of coffee and every time she walked past me she would knock my elbow which was ok the first couple of times but boy it got annoying.
Its now pushing 08:30 and we have not had our cup of tea and there is no sign of anything being cooked in the kitchen and I am getting a bit fed up especially as we have a huge cycle ride ahead of us.
09:00 is here and we have toast!!!! WAHOOOOOO….. The toast was gone before the plump lady had time to walk past and knock my elbow again which was handy. Everybody in the dining room was getting a little agitated as the B&B owner said that it was a strict 09:30 checkout time.
Our food arrived and thank good we only ordered scrambled egg on toast as the rest of the residents were still waiting for their breakfast as we left to pack up the rest of our belongings and get the hell out of there.
I was just doing the last final checks of the room when I had a look under the bed as I have been known to lose items of clothing and I pull out a pair of ‘Y’ fronts. Thinking to myself that I don’t actually own any, I kinder panicked and felt a little bit of sick rise from my stomach burning the back of my throat and instinctively through the ‘Y’ fronts back under the bed. I rushed to the bathroom and scrubbed my hands within an inch of their lives.
By this point I was ready to leave we didn’t bother filling our drinks bottles we just made do with the old water from the day before and we left that very strange B&B as quickly as we could still retching and pouring disinfectant on my hands at every opportunity.
So we are on our way to Macclesfield at long last and we were slowly and I mean slowly leaving Lake Windermere and the lake District behind. Our bums were sore and its getting to the stage that you flinch when you sit on the saddle for the first time of the day. However we did not start complaining as we new we had 100 miles or so of unknown roads to cover so we needed to keep our spirits up and the peddles peddling.
Within a few minutes of us leaving the B&B the heavens opened and the hills got steep and I was beginning to wonder if we would even make it out of the lake district before we had drowned in one of the many valleys. However our luck was changing and the up hills slowly turned into downhills and we were making some great time and the average speed was increasing.
But once again after about an hour or so of cycling the heavens opened and we got drenched and Jane now started needing the toilet so we stopped off at some country house that had a cafe and Jane disappeared off to use the facilities while I puzzled over what to order from the canteen coffee shop.
I knew what I wanted, I wanted a huge mug of hot chocolate and a slab of some chocolate caramel slice but what did Jane want….. That is one of the biggest questions and I knew from the start that I was going to get it wrong. SO I played it safe (so I thought) I ordered a scone and hot chocolate and I was quite pleased with my decision until Jane came up and said she was looking forward to the soup…. whoooops!!! So I had managed to evade the conflict by saying that the girl behind the counter said that there wasn’t any soup yet….. WIN!!!!
We were fed and watered and still drenched but the quest for Macclesfield was still on and I was keen to get back peddling again.
We went through a lot of towns and I have to say we literally bombed through them with very little regard to the highway code, and we soon started making up time but our wrists and elbows were taking a pounding from the potholes that seem to be a whole lot bigger when you are doing 30mph on a bike. It was exciting riding and we managed to pick some nice pace through the towns and we were chewing through the miles.
The disaster strikes, Jane has managed to yet again puncture a tyre that is advertised as being puncture proof and we find ourselves at a service station in the rain fixing a puncture next to a couple of blokes whose Chelsea Tractor had broken down which is where I started to take the piss. He had one of these flash Range Rover’s with the leather and the tinted windows and I just took the piss. His mate turned up in an X5 which we thought was coming to help but he just came to take the piss as well…. was very funny.
The tyre is fixed and we were back on the road again. I was getting hungry again so I stopped at another service station and bough a pint of milk and a sandwich which really hit the spot.
A few more hours passed and Jane needed the toilet again so I conveniently stopped at a Mcdonalds where I ordered a meal as I was really hungry (again). We thought that this trip was going to help us get back in shape but when you are burning 6 -8,000 calories a day it does on half make you hungry.
We are still really pushing on and making up some good time then we hit Manchester… what a shit hole of a place!! The drivers can only be described as horrific and the locals are a mixture of people from all sorts or backgrounds.
I was getting seriously frustrated by drivers overtaking extremely close and I resort to shouting at them calling them all sorts which they couldn’t hear but it made me feel a little better. Then there was one car that over took so close that I had to move out of its way and that was it, I was fuming.
I pushed on to the next set of lights where a girl of about 25 had a fag in one hand and hair slicked back with huge earrings and looked like a really intelligent girl I tapped on her window and asked her if she wanted any more space and the lights went green and I roared off. I was then over taken by the same car honking at me with a chap that looked like he had over indulged all of his life with dreadlocks for a haircut and was shouting something at me. I still even today have know idea what he was saying but she went past leaving me plenty of space so that I could flick the ‘V’s and carry on living!!
We soon saw our first sign for Macclesfield and we were like 9 year olds at Christmas cheering as we saw it. It had been a long day but still mostly down hill so we were not complaining.
Jane was starting to moan about her neck hurting. Bearing in mind that we have done the best part of 700 miles by now I would not expect her neck to be the thing that aches. She drops a few tablets and we carry on, well I storm a little way ahead just out of earshot so I couldn’t hear the complaining.
We were now about 7 miles away from Macclesfield and it was about 20:30 and so I decided to call my sister to let her know that we were going to be arriving soon and as soon as I put the phone down we hit the hills. They were all uphill and after the 93 previous miles all be it down hill we were exhausted and these last 7 miles took just over an hour to do and as I roll slowly round a roundabout I see three figures and I instantly thought it was a group of kids then suddenly they stared calling my name…. Who the hell are these people…
oh crap its my sister and my mother and father…. what the bloody hell are they doing here….
My parents had spent the weekend with my little sister and because we said we were coming on the Sunday they decided to stay and wave us in which was a nice surprise. We unloaded all of our panniers put the bikes away and said good bye to mother and father and myself Jane my sister Debs and her boyfriend went and got on the beers 🙂
Still drinking at 1am I was found slumped on the sofa dribbling a little